June 28, 2016
A thin, grey haired doctor stood behind a podium in the front of the room holding a remote control for the projector. My husband pulled out his black notebook, THE notebook, which continues to go with us on every visit to the weight loss clinic. The doctor awkwardly introduced himself and began a powerpoint presentation he’s espoused hundreds of times. The goal of the presentation was a weeding out process. Only those who are “serious” and “qualify” to begin a weight loss “journey” with the clinic have to sit and listen to this doctor, whose lack of sensitivity towards people who are overweight was apparent in his mannerisms, presentation style and the way he answered questions.
He began by showing a graph to tell us how many factors go into being overweight: endocrine and metabolic systems not working properly, environment and genetics. When he reached the genetics part, he felt he needed to provide an example of what genetics mean by observing families in Target. He explained both of his daughters are thin because his wife and himself are thin. “We have thin genetics.” He continued, “The other day, I saw a family who had fat genetics. Both parents were overweight, so as their heavy son put soda into their cart, I thought those are fat genes.”
I felt so badly for the family he was watching and judging in Target. There was no reason to include the soda detail because he was trying to explain how genetics play a role in obesity, not behavior or environment. The use of the soda detail felt cruel. Plus, of all the factors of being overweight, the one I understood without complete explanation was the genetics one.
He explained that severe clinical obesity is a BMI of equal to or greater than 40. The doctor listed several medical conditions that occur when someone’s BMI is that high:
High Blood Sugar
High Blood Pressure
Loss of 10-15 years of life
Sitting there, at my heaviest weight, my BMI was 56. I was on 2 medications for my high blood pressure and 1 medication for my high blood sugar. He showed us a chart where my BMI number moved beyond morbidly obese to “super morbidly obese.”
Instead of feeling shame, I felt paranoia. I looked down at my body, and I hated it. I felt naked and that everyone was staring at me. My eyes glazed over as the doctor explained how I will earn more money and get better job opportunities if I have the surgery. “Due to widespread discrimination, obese people, especially morbidly obese people, are not hired for jobs they are clearly qualified for. Several studies cite statics. Imagine the jobs and doors that will open to you.”
As a reminder, this session took place on June 28th, 2016. I thought about how I began my current job on April 25th. It had only been two months since I had been looking for a job. I thought about the rejections I received before taking my current job. Then I began to spiral; I thought about ALL the rejections I have ever received every time I was job hunting in my entire life. I began to blame my past failures, broken dreams and my inability to find a job that fulfills me, challenges me and gives me a sense that I am a part of something important on being super morbidly obese. I realized I was the fattest person who works at my current company. At that time, there were only 2 women who could ever be classified as overweight, but only by medical standards, not in actual reality. In person, they are beautiful women who probably don’t have to shop in the plus sizes. I began to worry about why I got the job I have and that the people at work must be so disgusted by me. I thought about how I sit by myself at company meetings and get-togethers. The spiral led to the same thought: How could I have let this happen? How could I have gotten so big, and I didn’t even notice?
The presentation pulled me from my thoughts as the power point slide listed all the complications that come from obesity:
High Blood Pressure
Cancer, especially uterine
The menstrual irregularity was the one that scared me the most. I was 36, and my husband and I had no plans to have children. We still have no plans to have biological children. I wasn’t worried about having children; I was worried because of the excessive bleeding I was already experiencing. In moments of doubt about the surgery, my monthly reminder of the ticking time bomb inside of me squelched all doubts.
As if fear, money and pure shame had not convinced me why I should have the surgery, the doctor moved on to statistics. Honestly, at this point in the presentation, I was unable to concentrate on anything outside of my thoughts. But my husband had THE notebook, so he was able to share with me weight loss statistics at a time when I was ready to hear them.
According to the doctor, when people diet they lose about 8-12% of their excess body weight. After 5 years, 0 will maintain it. When people are on a weight loss drug they will lose 10% of their excess body weight. After 5 years, 10% maintain it. When people have bariatric surgery they will lose at least 50% of their excess body weight. After 5 years, 100% will maintain it. Now seriously, I do not remember which study he was quoting here, but any time percentages are used, 0% and 100% make me uncomfortable. In retrospect, I think there are many areas of grey it seems improbable to have such numbers. At the time, the 100% made me comfortable. Unlike all the failed diets, jobs and dreams, if I had the surgery, I would not fail.
This “information session” was a marketing event for bariatric surgery and the doctor’s weight loss clinic. One of the first steps to selling someone something is to earn their trust. The doctor tried to earn trust by shifting the blame. He used the first graph, which showed why and how we became obese, to say: “You shouldn’t beat yourself up; it’s not your fault.” Somehow I believed he was on my side and understood what it was like when I stepped on the scale to see the highest weight I would ever be.
After I trusted him, he used scare tactics with medical conditions and complications and told me how much his “product” would save me money. He ended with the “weight loss” statistics to prove I will never lose weight on my own, I will never be able to keep the weight off if I happen to lose weight, so surgery was my only option. While some of the information the doctor used was factual, it certainly manipulated my “decision making” in one direction.